Drag Racing rules

These isn't the NHRA rule book.  These are easier to read and stay awake.
  1. Horsepower with intelligence is a great and rare combination.
  2. Spending lots of money does not guarantee lots of speed.
  3. What looks fast, isn't necessarily fast.
  4. Control and proper application of power gets the fastest times.
  5. No matter how slow your car is, you want to win.
  6. Lots of people give advice. Being polite and ignoring some of it is better and quicker than arguing.
  7. If you stop bragging long enough to listen, you may learn something.
  8. Never put down or complain about another car. Unless there is a serious safety concern then SCREAM.
  9. Always compliment the work of another racer.
  10. Even though it looks like junk today, it may beat you tonight.
  11. Drag racing is ultimately a competition with your self.
  12. Safety comes before speed. And if there is a choice between safety and speed, you really don't understand safety or speed.
  13. Follow the track rules and always be polite with the officials, it is their track not yours.
  14. Without paying fans and friends, there is no track. PUT ON A GOOD SHOW.
  15. Treat all fans with respect, even if they aren't -your- fans.
  16. A loosing day at the track is better than a good day fishing.
  17. Everyone is friendly and helpful in the pits. They are VERY helpful when you are running against their competition.
  18. Winning doesn't make you a better racer, not winning is what pushes you to be better.
  19. Horsepower is useless without:
    • Good safety systems
    • Suspension
    • Steering
    • Transmission
    • Tires
    • Aerodynamics
    • Gearing
    • Proper adjustments
    • Proper fuel
    • A good driver keeping it all under control.
  20. Carefully consider all the things you need to upgrade, replace and fix when you put 400 HP or more in a car that was designed for no more than 300 HP. Think about it some more when the car is 6+ years old or when there are any signs of rust.
  21. Don't take shortcuts in building or repairing the car, the track doesn't forgive.
  22. The most important thing to check before every race is the loose nut behind the wheel.
  23. Hurry down the track, but never in the pits.
  24. When something goes wrong, stop! Get your foot out of the gas.
  25. Stay with your car, you don't make friends by making people drive around you.
  26. Bring your own tools.  If you need to work on the car, you wont feel like a beggar.
  27. Be prepared before you come to the track. It is amazing how fast time flies when you are thrashing.
  28. Watching people thrash is great entertainment.
  29. When your car breaks, it is expensive.  When your car breaks and the crowd groans, it was very expensive.
  30. Horsepower and fools should never mix, but often do.
  31. Grain alcohol should never be mixed with horsepower or fools.
  32. Leave leaky cars at home.  Oiling or watering the track does not make friends of the fans or racers.
    • Don't be a track drip. 
      1. Turn off your A/C and defroster when you get to the pits and leave it off. 
      2. Don't splash water on the underside of the car by burning out "in" the water trough.  It drips on your tires and the track later!
      3. With RWD, wet front tires don't help steering and burnouts won't clean the water off.
    • When you don't have an overflow for the radiator, the first tires to hit the water will be yours.
  33. If the brake pedal doesn't work well, the gas pedal better not work either.
  34. Drag cars must go straight.
    • If it pulls to the right, fix it.
    • If it pulls to the left, go to NASCAR.
    • If it goes both ways, find a road course.
  35. Increasing Levels of stupidity.
    • "I can do what I want, I am not hurting anyone else"
    • Driving out of control
    • Driving beyond the cars capability
    • Driving beyond the drivers capability
    • Street racing
  36. Street tire rules
    • Go around the water box, you just get water all over the track for everyone else by driving through it and attempting a burn out.
    • Burn outs on street tires is useless,  a couple of  revolutions to take off the dirt is enough.  Street tire burn outs may give experienced racers a good laugh.
    • Don't wipe the good rubber off the track by spinning you street tires during the run. It slows you and everyone else that uses the lane down.
  37. Your daily driver and your race car should be 2 different vehicles.
  38. Racing Regulations are written with blood.  Expect to give some or all or your own blood when you ignore them..
  39. If you want to keep your friends, don't let them drive the Hot Rod.
Test & Tune fun at the drag strip

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© Val Hubbard  copyright details.

 Version 1.2b Page last updated Dec 9, 2011

These rules do not reference any specific person or company. They are comical exaggerations of the occurrences of everyday life in Drag Racing. Any relation to events anywhere past, present or future is entirely coincidental.