For What Its Worth
Stupid things people do with
cars. I saw all but one of these first hand.
Just a reminder, these are things you do not want to
if you did anything like this, well I am not going to tell you which
ones I did. It is now called experience.
- Put a jeep
through a garage door after a tranny change, shifter linkage was out of
and neutral safety switch on the column can't catch it.
Mechanic did not have foot on the brake when starting after
- Remove carb,
insert fuel line into intake, start car. Full
no control. Good way to destroy engine. Once
hot spots develop, turning off the key
may not work.
- Tack weld seat
belts and forget to weld them in, go racing. End
going through windshield lying on the track. Walk
with angel on your shoulder....
- Weld engine loop
of roll cage to dash cross brace on roll cage instead of getting it
tied into main roll cage. Bar breaks
free in crash and takes out both knees. Get out of car and try to walk. You quit your job the night before and your
job has not begun. You have no
- Use conduit pipe
instead of pipe specified for roll cage. Watch
fly past your heart and go through the door and
after a side impact.
- Imitate the
mechanic showing you the fan clutch is bad. You
your fingers to stop the fan when engine is running.
The mechanic used a screw driver. Do
after the fan clutch is replaced for
- Load pickup full
of green wood, collapsing all rear springs and wonder why axles fell
driving down the road.
- Get 2 1/2 tons of
ornamental lawn rocks for girl friend in 1/2 ton truck.
- Replace only 1
axle in 1/2 ton truck that was overloaded. Use
weather strip sealer on both sides of
the differential cover gasket instead of silicone on one side as
advised by the
- Blame the
mechanic the next week when you can't get the differential cover off
ton pickup when you need to replace the other axle.
- Buying a car with an
a person who shifts from reverse to first while still going
backwards with the throttle floored. (3
transmissions in 1 week)
- Leave a crowbar
on the fender while working under the car. It
no matter where it hits when it falls.
- Scream, rant,
rave and holler at the repairman before the he is finished with the
- Keep driving a 55 Ford with a thrown rod and hole in the block on an asphalt circle track. The crowd loves the donuts in corners 1 and
3. Get 3rd place since no one dared
- Try to drive the
car for a second race with a thrown rod and hole in the block.
- Own 2 race cars
and put them in the same race. Guess
which two cars hit.
- Believing a GM
gas gage when it shows full, not believing a GM gas gage when it shows
- Move car and pull
cables of battery charger free while battery charger is connected and
working. BOOM goes the battery. Do it again the next week for good measure.
- Start a methanol
fueled race car while garage door is closed.
- Don't double
check which way the clutch goes against the flywheel.
- Put big pulley on
the Crank and small pulley on the fan on the race car.
Watch water pump disintegrate and fan eat
- Use flex fan on
stock Ford water pump with engine turning 7000 rpm.
Watch fan eat radiator as the pressed in shaft pulls out of
- Believing a
mechanic who says he can do special 'race tuned' settings to your rear
end gears. Watch everyone go by as your
end locks up in turn 2.
- Tighten the valve
lash by .050 on your Chevy 350 with solid lifters since some guy at the
said this would advance timing and give more power.
- Make a deal with
mechanic to replace bent push rods and not tell Dad about it, then
forget to pay on time and mechanic calls Dad.
- Use heater hose
for remote oil filter lines. The crowd
at the track loves the flames when they get hot and split and dump oil on the
red hot headers. Do it
again the next race since you thought a bad clamp caused the problem.
- Ask your son how
he got the leaves out of the air ducts in your 66 Chevy II. (80 mph starts to clean em out)
- Wearing a wedding
ring while working on a car. Forgetting
your wedding ring when you go home.
- Doing a high rpm
speed shift in a truck that is at the shop for clutch trouble. Remember
count your toes after the clutch pieces stop bouncing around in the
- Do donuts in the
snow in the school parking lot in Dads new pickup.
Forget were the parking bumpers are and hit
one going sideways with the rear wheel. It
breaks all 4 shackle bolts. Spend all day
in Auto shop on a special project, "Get rear
under truck before dad gets home."
- Put a
Cinder blocks and slide under it and proceed to do a clutch job.
Do it alone in the garage. Take about an hour maneuvering a
to get the truck off of you when it falls off the cinder blocks.
- Driving back from a
long weekend going 90 on the freeway and forgetting the only place in
100 miles where the road makes a 90 degree turn. Luckily the 69
Chevelle lands on its wheels after rolling through the corn field and
you can still drive home. Good thing you own a body shop.
- Use traction bars that are too short on the
rear. When you get on it and the slicks work, the traction bars
bend the springs backwards, stuff the drive shaft into the tranny, bind
the U joint at the rear. You are left wondering why your tranny
grenades all over the track at the 15 foot mark. Amazingly the
springs didn't bend but pop back into shape leaving no clue to the
primary cause of distruction, unless you were watching.
- Ignore the biggest road
sign you ever saw demanding you slow down for the curve on eastbound
I70 about halfway through Utah. As the car slides up on the
cement divider screaming through the turn you see that it wasn't
painted black. It's the tread marks left from all the other idiots
who ignored the sign. Your guardian angel asks for a transfer after
keeping you alive one more time.
VHubbard. May 2009 Updated July 2012
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